Review: My Bloody Valentine 3-D
2009 Remake of 80s Slasher Adds an Extra Dimension
As far as remakes go, My Bloody Valentine falls somewhere between The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Hitcher in the “Nice try, fellas” category. Far from a complete disaster but not quite an overachievement, this modern slasher takes the been-there-done-that approach by giving the audience absolutely nothing new, aside from a pair of stylish 3-D glasses.
It is fairly obvious that the movie relies heavily on the gimmick of pick axes swinging at the screen and balls of fire seemingly engulfing the theater, and for a while it’s an interesting novelty.
But more often than not the 3-D effects are just distracting, especially when any sort of fast movement occurs on screen. (One will quickly realize that watching the movie without the 3-D glasses is impossible since the images are blurred when the glasses come off).
Slasher Remake Similar to 80s Original
Extra dimensions aside, the movie is a respectable update of a forgotten 80s horror flick in which a psychotic killer rampages a small mining community. The premise is the same, but the story is altered significantly here to allow for more on-screen gore.
This one jumps right into the extreme violence, using the first few minutes to introduce Harry Warden, a miner who wakes up from a coma, grabs his pick axe and heads back to the mine with murderous intentions. It shouldn’t take long for any parents in the crowd to regret bringing the kids to this bloodbath.
Unfortunately, the violence and gore hinders more than it impresses here. One swinging pick axe to the face might get some gasps from the crowd, but by the eighth and ninth time it happens, this obscene action tends to lose its shock value.
Overly Fast Pace, Poor Ending Hurt This Horror Flick
A little variety in the killing methods would definitely make this a better slasher movie since a lot of horror fans are in it for the special effects, but more appropriate pacing wouldn't hurt, either.
The original might seem a bit slow, especially compared to this kill-a-minute update, but director George Mihalka allowed for some more character development and better character interaction in his 1981 version. There was more of an opportunity to set the right mood for a horror movie - that nothing is wrong in their small town and nobody has any reason to worry.
This remake is more tense, with characters fully aware that a madman is killing everyone in town. However, it's much harder to feel the urgency of the situation when the characters in the movie still show up for their dead-end jobs stocking shelves at the grocery store after receiving news that any number of townspeople were horribly mutilated by a serial killer.
On top of achieving a more appropriate horror atmosphere, the Mihalka version also makes sense. Up until the final few minutes, the 3-D Valentine makes sense, too. But, like so many other Hollywood movies, the explosions and decapitations just lead up to a mind-bending explanation that likely won’t satisfy anyone.
Directed by Patrick Lussier (Dracula 2000), this remake stars Kerr Smith (of Dawson’s Creek fame) as Sheriff Axel Palmer and Jaime King as his wife, Sarah.
Score: 5 out of 10
My Bloody Valentine 3-D Poster
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